I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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