I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish I only lived at night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is Oprah even human
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
