Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
