just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize