Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
operation have a gay friend backfired
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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