Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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