Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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