Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
