Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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