is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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