The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
