You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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