I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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