can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
