just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
