P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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