Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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