She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
