How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
