The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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