it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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