You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
