don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
