Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
