what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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