It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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