I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
