it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
