im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
