I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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