i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
