You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
