Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
