woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There r osticjed everywhere
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
