I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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