I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
