who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
this hospital has no fireball
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize