i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
