He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
