I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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