Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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