Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.

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  (616): If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet. http://tfl.nu/k138
  Replies (12) Good night (1014) Bad night (2238)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me

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  (763): I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me http://tfl.nu/kago
  Replies (28) Good night (1024) Bad night (4464)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.

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  (920): I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too. http://tfl.nu/1n8l
  Replies (13) Good night (1065) Bad night (3637)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.

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  (303): I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history. http://tfl.nu/d9a3
  Replies (20) Good night (6761) Bad night (985)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.

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  (815): if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it. http://tfl.nu/9gem
  Replies (48) Good night (1911) Bad night (6037)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.

  (361): View more from Texas

  I just can't bring boyfriends home.

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  (361): yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable. (361): I just can't bring boyfriends home. http://tfl.nu/mnpp
  Replies (29) Good night (1220) Bad night (4756)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?

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  (651): Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag? http://tfl.nu/dgvl
  Replies (16) Good night (1355) Bad night (3350)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  To a 70 year old lady?!

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  (508): Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face" (774): To a 70 year old lady?! http://tfl.nu/99j2
  Replies (20) Good night (5138) Bad night (2210)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...

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  (770): If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday... http://tfl.nu/nvs1
  Replies (10) Good night (3305) Bad night (815)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.

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  (970): Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking. http://tfl.nu/jhua
  Replies (4) Good night (916) Bad night (1908)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..

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  (570): Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." .. http://tfl.nu/4q08
  Replies (2) Good night (2474) Bad night (1011)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."

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  (+27): She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga." http://tfl.nu/sbmz
  Replies (13) Good night (2039) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I like how you're utilizing your resources

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  (814): Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor (1-814): I like how you're utilizing your resources http://tfl.nu/lq2x
  Replies (0) Good night (500) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.

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  (906): I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory. http://tfl.nu/wuwz
  Replies (0) Good night (538) Bad night (276)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.

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  (512): Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking. http://tfl.nu/ecx3
  Replies (1) Good night (176) Bad night (330)

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