is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think