Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Something like a penis light saber.

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  (313): They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary. (313): Something like a penis light saber. http://tfl.nu/96lm
  Replies (12) Good night (2219) Bad night (598)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.

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  (509): went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down. http://tfl.nu/4560
  Replies (11) Good night (718) Bad night (2918)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.

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  (251): I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole. http://tfl.nu/c6gz
  Replies (18) Good night (941) Bad night (4658)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.

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  (309): so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday. http://tfl.nu/j6eg
  Replies (8) Good night (5365) Bad night (797)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.

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  (360): afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep. http://tfl.nu/xylt
  Replies (52) Good night (1573) Bad night (8086)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.

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  (606): Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes. http://tfl.nu/z8mg
  Replies (23) Good night (3595) Bad night (2056)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.

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  (615): Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again. http://tfl.nu/rwfi
  Replies (17) Good night (4268) Bad night (1166)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!

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  (717): I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?! http://tfl.nu/77lq
  Replies (7) Good night (994) Bad night (2939)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.

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  (979): Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything. http://tfl.nu/jcb8
  Replies (4) Good night (1982) Bad night (532)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover

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  (734): I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover http://tfl.nu/93w3
  Replies (1) Good night (1179) Bad night (471)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?

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  (414): I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow? http://tfl.nu/a756
  Replies (2) Good night (768) Bad night (411)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.

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  (270): I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde. http://tfl.nu/pj3w
  Replies (6) Good night (1075) Bad night (485)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face

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  (403): i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face http://tfl.nu/onze
  Replies (11) Good night (977) Bad night (534)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.

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  (850): I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud. http://tfl.nu/igxs
  Replies (1) Good night (1248) Bad night (408)
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  (310): View more from California

  I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!

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  (310): I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?! http://tfl.nu/1qvi
  Replies (4) Good night (806) Bad night (342)

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