That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
two words...techno handjob
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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