I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night