What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
