life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
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Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.