that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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