I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
