Taylor Swift is so right about you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
