I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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