I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
