I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
