Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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