You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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