I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
