This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
