Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
