he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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