so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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