90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
