God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
