Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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