The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
