Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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